March 24, 2025
Key points
“Coach through empowerment instead of coaching through power.”
Wise advice from WOW (Women Of Wrestling) Superhero Kandi Krush, who coaches youth athletes in addition to being a professional grappler.
Many coaches use coercive force with young athletes, turning participants off to a previously loved sport and often leading them to quit it. Empowering people is the more effective approach for coaches, parents, teachers, and anyone working with young people.
“Coach through empowerment instead of coaching through power.”
Wise advice from WOW (Women Of Wrestling) Superhero Kandi Krush, who coaches youth athletes in addition to being a professional grappler.
Many coaches use coercive force with young athletes, turning participants off to a previously loved sport and often leading them to quit it. Empowering people is the more effective approach for coaches, parents, teachers, and anyone working with young people.
“I made a vow to do that (empowering athletes) as a result of abusive coaching I experienced,” explained Krush. “Now that I coach, I take it on as this huge responsibility, because athletes—especially young athletes—are so impressionable. You’re holding somebody’s heart, dreams, and their psyche in your hands.”
Valuable wisdom and sensitivity are characteristics not usually associated with wrestling, but Krush is not your typical wrestler.
Let’s take a closer look at this multidimensional athlete/coach extraordinaire.
Amberley Shaw—Krush’s birth name—developed a passion for synchronized swimming while growing up in St. Paul, Minnesota. After her trek through those enjoyable, and later, troubled waters, she transitioned to boxing and then professional wrestling.
A “toxic” environment pushed Krush out of synchronized swimming and potential Olympic opportunities. A boxing career followed, ending when the COVID pandemic closed her training gym and a bout with pneumonia knocked her out of a big professional fight. Frustrated and disappointed, Krush tried out and earned a spot with Women Of Wrestling in 2021 at the athletically advanced age of 37.
Amberley Shaw—Krush’s birth name—developed a passion for synchronized swimming while growing up in St. Paul, Minnesota. After her trek through those enjoyable, and later, troubled waters, she transitioned to boxing and then professional wrestling.
A “toxic” environment pushed Krush out of synchronized swimming and potential Olympic opportunities. A boxing career followed, ending when the COVID pandemic closed her training gym and a bout with pneumonia knocked her out of a big professional fight. Frustrated and disappointed, Krush tried out and earned a spot with Women Of Wrestling in 2021 at the athletically advanced age of 37.
Despite her age and brief time with Women Of Wrestling, she has achieved remarkable success. Krush is currently ranked in the upper third of the WOW’s top tier, winning a first-ever WOW World Trio Tag Team championship.
“I plan on having every other belt around my waist—the tag team and the singles,” Krush said. “There here are no limits if you put your mind and body behind what you believe in.”
“I started in synchronized swimming with my mom as my coach,” Krush shared, “and that was my foundation for understanding what a good, supportive coach is. I had a great experience. I always admired Olympians when I was little, and when I found my love for synchronized swimming, I attached my Olympic dreams to that.”
“I left home when I was 16 and went to the West Coast to pursue my Olympic dreams,” Krush continued. “I eventually ended up in Santa Clara, California, where many prospective Olympians trained.”
“I met a lot of pushbacks, even from the athletes, when I got there,” lamented Krush. “They’d say, ‘What is she doing here?’ ‘She doesn’t deserve to be here.’ ‘She’s not good enough.’ Not to my face, but I could hear. That’s when I learned that if I wanted something, it was up to me. So I put on blinders and put on hard work.”
Another wise perspective.
“I focused and worked my way up from the bottom of that squad all the way to number two in the nation within a year,” shared Krush. “I was flying high, and my Olympic dreams were within range.”
“There came a day when I showed up and felt like I was drowning while I was swimming,” Krush shared. “I felt very sad and hopeless. I physically over-trained and was extremely fatigued. I had a lot of injuries, but you can work through those.”
“It was the mental and emotional toll that I was taking as a result of the coaching and training conditions that really took me out of the game,” Krush reflected. “The coach was gaslighting me and just so mentally destructive to me and my teammates. It wasn’t just what I endured, but what I observed my teammates going through.”
“Synchronized swimming is a sport of perfection and precision,” Krush explained. “You learn through feedback if your leg is in the right spot, on the right count, at the right height. A good coach will say, ‘You’re on your back’ or ‘You’re on your face’ or ‘You need to get higher.’”
Not this coach.
“We would come up (from the water) and she would say, ‘You look like the sh*t on the bottom of my shoe after I just stepped in a pile of it,’ Krush shared. “It was constant. Outside of the pool, she was so nice, huggy, and supportive, but in training, nothing was good enough.”
“I was banking my self-worth on her words, kind of unknowingly,” reflected Krush. “You realize that you’re a puppet of theirs.”
That’s what many young athletes experience. They become marionettes dangling from strings, getting twisted and pulled by coaches who unwittingly abuse them, physically and emotionally.
Krush eventually recovered from a dislocated shoulder, a torn hip flexor, a dislocated knee, and spinal injuries. We won’t detail the physical and emotional recovery journey Krush experienced. Just understand that the emotional recovery process was tougher than the physical.
“I have a phoenix tattoo up my arm,” Krush shared. “It says ‘I Rise’ written inside a quill pen. That quill is the feather of the phoenix. I believe I am a phoenix. You can burn me down to ashes, and I’ll still find a way to rise, to reinvent myself.”
Krush eventually recovered from a dislocated shoulder, a torn hip flexor, a dislocated knee, and spinal injuries. We won’t detail the physical and emotional recovery journey Krush experienced. Just understand that the emotional recovery process was tougher than the physical.
“I have a phoenix tattoo up my arm,” Krush shared. “It says ‘I Rise’ written inside a quill pen. That quill is the feather of the phoenix. I believe I am a phoenix. You can burn me down to ashes, and I’ll still find a way to rise, to reinvent myself.”
“I coach synchronized swimming, which is now called ‘artistic swimming,’ predominantly with young girls,” shared Krush, “and now I coach women with WOW.”
“What drives me is seeing people make progress,” she explained. “I’ll exhaust myself trying to find the thing that resonates with you and clicks with what I’m trying to teach. There are different things to get somebody to understand.”
“I don’t support the participation award culture,” added Krush. “I believe in hard work, which can help elevate you, and pushing towards excellence. I believe in rewarding that hard work, but I don’t believe in abuse. You can drive an athlete to their greatest potential and still love, embrace, and support them.”
Kandi Krush exemplifies a great approach to athletics and coaching.
She navigates the middle ground between an abusive approach and a protector, “participation trophy” way of doing things. Maintain high, realistic expectations without endangering the athlete’s physical and emotional well-being. Tend to both the improvement of performance and the athlete’s heart, dreams, and psyche.
It’s what developmental psychologist David Yeager calls a “mentor mindset” in his groundbreaking book 10 to 25: The Science of Motivating People. A mentor mindset is defined as, “High standards that expect a lot of the young person, but coupled with the support to help them meet those high standards.”
Athletes are empowered to achieve high expectations with caring support. I would argue that this is an effective approach with everyone in all endeavors, not just young athletes.
It’s well represented by Kandi Krush, who went through hell and high water en route to becoming a supportive, caring coach who inspires hard work and optimal achievement.
“Coach through empowerment, instead of coaching through power.”
David Udelf, Psy.D., has extensive and diverse experience as a clinical and sport psychologist, combined with 40-plus years of coaching. He’s in private practice at Becker, Udelf, and Associates.